imani’s blog

Injustices of Being Single

Tues, 24 Nov 2009 17:52:49 -0500

Even as I embrace my single status, the little things sometimes tick me off. Today’s pet peave? I went to a restaurant this past weekend, ready to treat myself to a nice dinner on “date me” night. Unlike some, I typically love eating out alone, but this time, the hostess ruined it all before I even got seated. “How many in your party?” she asks with a smile. “One,” I reply, smiling back. “Oh. . . Just one?” she asks, looking around for a place to seat me. Let me just pause and say that I absolutely hate when they say “just one” as if one isn’t enough. But, I recognize that I’m probably being a tad bit defensive. After all, she’s just verifying the number in my party. “Yes, one,” I repeat. Then just to be clear, I add “A table, please.” The hostess continues to scan the room, I’m certain thinking that she didn’t want to waste a large table on one person. “What about the bar?” she finally asks politely. The bar? At this point - even though I recognize it as a tad bit irrational - I want to go off on her about all the injustices of single people. “No, I do not want to sit at the bar where by halfway through the meal my back is hurting. I do not want to sit in the corner table by the kitchen that no one else wants. And, while we’re at it, I think there should be more small tables in restaurants, vacation packages for just one person, and that New Year’s Eve and Valentine’s Day should be banned.” But, of course, I realize my own defensiveness, so instead I just say “No thank you. A table please.” And, then I wait patiently . . . . for my corner table, near the kitchen.

Hill Harper and Steve Harvey, Experts?

Mon, 23 Nov 2009 21:29:48 -0500

Today I had an interesting conversation with a girlfriend about recent publications by Hill Harper and Steve Harvey. Her question, “have we gotten so bad off that we’re taking relationship advice from a man who is on his third marriage, and a man who (at the ripe old age of 40+) is obviously afraid to commit?” After hanging up the phone with her, the question lingered on my mind. And, minutes later I found myself roaming through the bookstore in search of Hill’s book. My thought was to check it out for myself before passing judgment. I read the first page of his introduction while waiting in line, and immediately formed an opinion different from expected. He wrote: “I am in no way representing myself as an expert in relationships, but rather as a man on a journey, attempting to figure it all out for myself.” Reading that one line, I was sold. True, I would love to get relationship advice from someone who has been married 50 years to the love of his life. But, on the other hand, why not read the perspective of someone like me, who knows that this is a journey? After all, wouldn’t the person married for 50 years acknowledge the same thing, that for a relationship to thrive, it must be about recognizing it as a journey, with lessons to be learned each and every day? I admire Steve and Hill for their courage to open up themselves and share their journey with the world. Maybe if more of us did the same, we’d learn a little something along the way.

What Are We Holding Onto?

Sun, 15 Nov 2009 18:06:35 -0500

A few weeks ago, I had dinner with some of my sister-friends. Two of them were recently let go from their jobs, so I prepared myself to give pep talks and to help them strategize on ways to make ends meet until they found something new. Imagine my surprise when I found the roles were reversed; that I was actually the one who needed to be schooled and inspired. From the time they entered the room, I noticed something different about them. It wasn’t just that they looked amazing (now with time to focus on diet/exercise) or the fact that their skin had a new glow. . . . It was something beyond the physical. An energy that almost defied words. I stretched my mind for the right word to describe it. And then, when it came to me, I almost laughed out loud at its simplicity. Freedom. My girls had a look and feel that was light and easy, and an energy that felt free. Gone were the worry lines of “what if they fire me?” that had become so etched in their faces that I thought them part of their normal expressions. Gone was the wrinkled brow that belied the stress of being in a job that they kept trying to make a good fit. And, in it’s place was pure joy -- and dare I say faith, that this thing they’d dreaded for so long, was actually a blessing in disguise. A chance for something new; a push from God to step out on faith and trust that purpose and prosperity really can exist in the same place at the same time. Whereas I had expected to hear their stress-filled questions about how to find a new job, I instead felt their overwhelming excitement about finally pursuing work that aroused their passion. I envied them, just a bit, for doing what I wanted, but didn’t yet have the courage to do. I applauded them for their strength in taking the opportunity to forge a new path instead of traveling back down the same old one as I've done many a time before. And, I thanked them for being an example for me and all the others who sometimes resist change, forgetting that change is really just a way to get from a place that no longer fits to one that is infinitely better. Today, I’m letting go of all the things I’ve been holding onto so tightly. And I’m believing that as I trust and let go, I’ll find that instead of losing, I’ve actually gained.

Peace

Tues, 3 Nov 2009 00:10:30 -0500

It's barely 6 a.m. and I've been trying to get back to sleep for almost an hour. There's no light out yet and the house still has the quiet feel it gets in the wee hours before the world awakens. I've pulled out my laptop as kind of a dare, or maybe a last resort, because sleep doesn't seem to be returning. But all I really want to do is turn over and bury my head in the pillow. Today is the day that I return to work from my vacation and I'm just not that eager to get the day started. The Cayman Islands were wonderful. Not because of anything particularly great about the islands themselves -- although parts were beautiful. More because of the peace of being unplugged from work and stress and even family/friends. Almost 4 days with no cell phone or blackberry to consume me. Just time with me and God. I'd find myself waking up at 4 or 5 in the morning, anxious to get the day started. In fact, I couldn't wait to throw on some exercise gear or my swim suit and head out to greet the ocean. And once there I'd just sit and marvel at how peaceful I could be in the right environment. I didn't need an agenda or to do list. I'd just stare at the water for hours or collect sea shells or walk aimlessly along the beach. I was comfortable just being in the moment. So, here I am back in the world, determined not to be of the world again. Even though I don't have a beach in Atlanta I’m convinced there's got to be a way to have that same serenity here . . . if I choose it. Let's face it, I can't afford to keep running off to the islands to find my peace. I've got to claim it where ever I go. I've got to carry it with me -- pack it in my heart and take it with me. And the peace of God will be with you. That's always been my favorite scripture in Philippians but I never really thought about the words before. Think on good things and the peace of God will be with you. Maybe peace is a state of mind, as a reflection of our environment. Maybe real peace is being in the middle of a storm, but yet learning how to be still and know that nothing can affect you. Today, I will think on good things. No matter what my surroundings and circumstances bring, I will look inside for my peace. And the peace of God will be with me. Thank you God. And so it is.

My Secret Fear

Mon, 2 Nov 2009 14:29:01 -0500

Want to know a secret? I've been secretly afraid that I'd never write again. Even after the wonderful comments from friends and strangers alike, I've still been doubting myself and allowing fear to stop me. The what ifs have stopped me in my tracks before I could even begin. What if I never write another book? What if the first two books were just accidents instead of an indication of purpose, or skill? What if the muse never comes again? What if the first books never reach a critical mass? What if I fail? Does any of this sound familiar to you? Have you ever been defeated by the "what if" bug, before you even gave it a good faith effort? This morning I'm realizing that we all have these little gremlin voices that try to defeat us. From the most novice to the most successful. (Can't you see Oprah staying "but what if I run out of ideas for the show? What if people stop watching? What if this interview goes wrong? What if I never feel satisfied that I've done all I was supposed to do?") What if I let fear stop me from fulfilling my destiny? That’s my biggest fear of all, and what keeps me going even through the fear!

Soulmates

Mon, 2 Mar 2009 17:52:49 -0500

For the past several days, all of my single friends seem to be asking the same question: how do I keep believing in "the one" despite evidence to the contrary?

I think the poem I wrote for a close friend's wedding says it all. Sometimes we may lose hope, or even give up, but thankfully, there's always a Higher power at work.

It Never Entered My Mind
by imani

You're the one I was waiting on
even when I said I'd given up on the idea of love
Pretending not to believe in "silly" things like soulmates, forever,
or the one sent from above

In the name of being realistic,
I stopped seeking a mate to my soul
telling myself I was already complete
and didn't need another to make me whole

I told myself to just accept
that real love would never be;
I told myself I'd never find the perfect lyrics
to complement my unfinished melody

I guess I started to think that some people
are meant to make this journey alone
and that I should just give up all notions
of turning my house into a home

The funny thing is, though,
somehow my spirit always knew
Even when my mind doubted
I always sensed you

It just seemed easier
. . . smarter . . . better not to believe . . .
what my mind and my heart
couldn't fully conceive

that someone could literally change my world
with just one simple glance
that just the thought of your touch
would make my soul dance

It just seemed easier . . . smarter . . .
better not to believe
In things like love at first sight,
fate, or serendipity

But, I thank God He didn't stop believing
even when I claimed to;
because if God had taken,
taken what I said as true

I wouldn't be here right now
looking into your eyes
Seeing in them forever
with you by my side

Thank God He didn't stop believing
even when I tried to
or I wouldn't be here right now
saying "I do"

Faith

Thu, 26 Feb 2009 21:29:48 -0500

Today I walk in faith that I am on the path that God made for me. I take the easy things and the not so easy things in stride, knowing that all of them are part of God’s plan. I accept that sometimes it’s not in my best interest to know what the outcome will be. And I trust that the outcome is always even better than what I could have envisioned. Whether it’s my job, my purpose, my love, my health, or any other dream/hope I have, I can let it go, knowing that God is working it out for my good.

Come Celebrate The Book Release!

Wed, 25 Feb 2009 18:06:35 -0500

I’ve decided to celebrate my book release with friends and family in the Atlanta area on Friday, April 3, 2009.

This event is to thank those who have supported me on this long journey. We’ll have some food and fun, and I’ll be signing books for those who want to purchase copies. Please mark the date on your calendar and plan to come through!

An evite will go out shortly. If you’re not currently on my distribution list, please shoot a quick email to imani@byimani.com so that I can add you. I’d love to see you and your friends there! And if you’re not in Atlanta, stay tuned. I may be in your city soon.

My Book Is Available!

Wed, 18 Feb 2009 00:10:30 -0500

Today I officially launched my website and announced the release of my book. The response (from close friends and family, to friends of friends of friends) has already been so amazing. I cannot thank you enough for encouraging me and supporting me on this venture!

Much love to you all,
imani

Who Is Imani?

Fri, 13 Feb 2009 14:29:01 -0500

Imani isn’t just a name I picked up to sound like a real writer. It was actually supposed to be the name of my first daughter. Even before I got married, I carried that name around like a dream waiting to be born. Turned it over in my head and loved that the meaning – faith – was so on point. I was going to birth faith and watch her grow. Nurture her and help her mature in my life as the years went on.

And then my marriage ended without me having kids. And I found myself giving birth to something completely different.

It took YEARS for my writing to mature. In fact, when my first book finally came to fruition, it was like I’d used everything inside of me to bring it to life. All of my hopes, dreams, lessons, and disappointments went into making this – thing – all it could be. When I finished writing the book, I knew I’d birthed my first baby, and it seemed only fitting to name her imani. After all, she (my writing) is one of my greatest examples of what faith can do.

So, imani is not only a penname I use to sound cool, or to protect my anonymity; it’s a reminder to me that all things are possible. Everything I write is by faith.